Cyber Dates -The Intimacy of Technology

By Miri Lee

21 Ocotober 2009

I am going to share this story because it really is one of sweetness.

This is the true story of my cyber dates.

I am here in England and he is there in Israel.

We met on a social media site; just a message or two and then we moved our chat to Skype. That first chat was only supposed to be for five minutes as I was on my way out, but it became an hour of idea swapping and laughter. I ran out in my old jeans that night but I was smiling.

Laughter is attractive. Very. Real belly laughs because someone else gets your humour, or your way of thinking. That is the kind of connection you don't have to try and make because it is just there.

So we had Skype dates. Most nights, we would log on at ridiculous o'clock and talk. For hours sometimes. We really did get to know each other. And yet we couldn't touch. It is amazing to have the clarity of a video call and yet you can't kiss goodnight or hug. But you can get to see each other's truth and read each others faces. I knew when he was tired and there was one night when I was really strung out and he was as comforting to me as if I had been right there next to him.

One day he emailed me and asked me to join him on a date. A real date in a coffee bar, me with my laptop and he with his.

It was so thoughtful, the gesture of taking me out even though we were thousands of miles apart. And the concept made me smile all day.

So that is what we did! I went to a local kosher restaurant and ate shakshuka and drank wine, and he did the same. In another time zone and another country but we had our date. My waitress was amused, the Internet connection was awful and kept crashing but we persevered.

Then I went away on holiday and we had time apart from the connection to think. I missed our chats online and he and I thought about the truth of our lives and we are not in the same place. Reality hit and the romantic spell broke. And it was fine. Because we had lost nothing and gained a friendship.

We did meet face to face and he was really just as I felt him to be from our cyber dates. A kind and funny man, sweet and honest.

Though we are not meant to be partners for many reasons, he is someone I am so pleased came into my life. Somtimes we forget that there are good people out there, and sometimes they are not our life partner but add something beautiful to our lives.

So you see, dating online is not all doom and gloom!

He is still my friends and always will be.

Maybe I will dance at his wedding.

Love and Time

By Pat Berardini

29 September 2009

Time is the heart beat of God.

The human soul is in perpetual motion, it knows no boundaries, and there are no limits.

Like love, one's soul is eternal.

Love is the ember of life.

Life is but a canvas we paint.

Life is a dream with the dreamer adrift in the clouds, far above the chimney tops.

Life is a miracle and the miracle is life.

The old are but the young at heart.The young wait so patiently for the first fire of dawn’s light.

Love is an evolutionary process that cannot be extinguished.

Love feeds the heart and warms the soul.

Love expands both the mind and soul.Love is both a blessing and a curse, but what is worse, we cannot live without it.

Love is the first casualty of human emotions.

Love is the nexus of life.

Love craves no enemies.

We are wrapped in our own armour and the things we desire are material.

Open up your soul with the clarity of love and see anew with sense of wonder.

The written word inspires thought, which has no limits.

The written word is sacred and wisdom is the breath of the written word.

Authors whose pens lie dormant, silent far over a turbulent sea of years, echoes in a new epic of readers, who are the star voyagers of the future.

The written word is a gift that reaches out to all ages.

The written word needs no apologies or forgiveness, for the written word is what it is.

There something in humanity, primarily convenience, that craves enemies.

Save each and every unguarded moment and savor it like you would a sweet raspberry.

Love is not a product!

Female Beauty and Male Stupidity (Or: Love Makes Stupid)

Female Beauty and Male Stupidity
(Or: Love Makes Stupid)

by Vicky Denvise

22 September 2009


We have all heard the expression that love is/makes blind, but according to a new scientific report, it also makes some of us go all blank and even downright stupid. Especially men. And it need not even have come to love yet, it can just be in the presence of beauty.

A recent study, published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, claims that interacting with women makes men stupid. The study was performed at the Department of Social and Cultural Psychology at the Radboud University in The Netherlands.

It all started when one of the researchers found himself so blank when trying to impress an attractive woman, that he could not even remember his own address. Apparently this is something many men have experienced, so a study was started to see if there was any scientific proof of this being a norm.

40 heterosexual male students were put through tests, where they had to absorb information and then speak to men and women. The more attracted they were to a woman, the less they could remember. They had no memory difficulties when speaking with other men. When this same test method was tried on a group of women, there were no signs of them suffering this same temporary “memory loss”.

The researchers concluded that men’s cognitive functioning temporarily declines when interacting with an attractive woman. In other words, men become stupid when in the presence of female beauty.

A reason offered for this was that men slip into a biological parring mood where his cognitive abilities are put aside in order for him to be “reproductively focused”.

This, is more commonly known as having a “one track mind”.

So, girls, if the guy in front of you seems lame, he might just be so attracted to you that he is temporarily incapable of anything else. In a way, this can be considered a compliment.

Then again, he might just be lame, plain and simple.

Now we have no real way of telling. Thanks to science, the dating game just got more challenging than it already was.

To read the entire study go to:
http://www.sciencedirect.com/science?_ob=ArticleURL&_udi=B6WJB-4W99W49-1&_user=10&_rdoc=1&_fmt=&_orig=search&_sort=d&_docanchor=&view=c&_acct=C000050221&_version=1&_urlVersion=0&_userid=10&md5=16698184135f0394ea1575f2f6e4a886#cor1

Could this be the theme song for most men?

A real profile from a dating site....read it and weep or smile?

By Miriam Lee

22 September 2009

This is a real profile....is this what we have become???

I am looking for an attractive female who will at first give me obsessive love, praise and devotion - but whose paranoia, self-loathing and fear of rejection and abandonment will eventually lead her to alternately push me away and destroy the relationship from the inside with the eventual emotional breakdown of one or other of us - or if we're lucky - both!

You will express yourself with incessant shouting and screaming in front of all and sundry.

You should: * be 18 to 99 years old; * have undergone negative psychiatric evaluations in the past; and * be willing to threaten self-harm, suicide and/or annihilation as a weapon to control your partner and make them do what you want. Although not completely necessary, I would prefer a woman: * who has a history of unstable relationships * that eats and drinks to forget * who has a previous established diagnosis of Borderline or Dependent Personality Disorder or Bi-Polar Affective Disorder - or who are currently taking Lithium Carbonate, SSRIs, or Tri-cyclic antidepressants.

If you think you meet these requirements (and wow, I'm getting excited just writing them!), please don't hesitate to get back to me as soon as possible. In the meantime, thank you for reading my advert, and do take care.

OK WAIT – THAT’S MY EX.

Think I'll go for something different this time around.........................

Mr #37

by Vicky Denvise

10 September 2009

Funny how we often know more about what we don’t want and what we don’t like, than what we want and like. At the same time we marvel at why we so often end up getting what we don’t want nor like.

What about you? Are you still looking for Mr or Miss Right, yet constantly keep bumping into all the Mr and Miss Wrongs?

According to one of the fads of our time, the Law of Attraction, we tend to attract into our lives precisely what we focus on. And just as the law of gravity will pull something downwards, regardless of it falling on its top or bottom, so will the law of attraction pull things, people, situations towards you in both the positive and negative ways. If your focus point is on the negative (what you don’t want or like), the universe has no concept of the suffix “don’t”. You will end up getting this time and time again until you shift your focus towards what you want and like.

Bogus? Maybe.

Personally, I think there is some truth to it. A couple of years before the film “The Secret” was even produced and the law of attraction ever mentioned in mainstream media, I put this to the test. Without even realizing that I was doing so.

At the time I had come out of my second semi serious relationship after my divorce. I had been brave and done what I thought needed to “put myself out there” in the dating and romantic scene. And I was just not getting it right.

Not that I was the only one, mind you. My social circle was increasing to include almost exclusively Second and Third Time Singles. Plus the odd Fourth Time. In the end we were about 12 - 15 women who would share our war stories and compare wounds on a weekly basis over coffee and wine meetings. Occasionally Patty would join us. She was the only one who somehow seemed to be ecstatically in love and happy in a committed relationship that had lasted for years. She was the first of the crowd to get divorced at an early age and did not have the comfort of fellow Second Singles when she was alone. While the rest of us continued in our blissful or fighting relationships respectively, she was left to figure the single life all by herself. Before any of us could even join her as the Second Single, she was already back in a committed relationship. This time around, with the Dream Guy (a status her first hubby never held, even in the early days).

Some fake it. Patty did not. Even after years and the problems they had because she had children from a first marriage and he did not, Patty and the Dream Guy really had a good thing going.

The Single Club put this down to luck. Patty was just blessed to have been in the right place at the right time.

Patty disagreed.

She shared with us her secret and urged us to follow suit. Instead of being blinded by good looks where the wrapping just didn’t disclose the true nature of the content (case of False Advertising) and complaining about the lack in our current romantic non-potentials, we were told to be specific about WHAT WE WANTED. Patty instructed us to even write a list with the qualities we wanted in our Dream Guy.

She had done this while still being single and it made her aware of the qualities that she found attractive in a man. As she became more aware of what she wanted, she actually spotted these exact qualities in a guy she had been around for the past couple of years, yet never really noticed. She was just about to switch jobs at this point and just in the nick of time, she sat up and took notice of one her soon to be ex-colleagues. Apparently he had had a thing for her for quite some time, but had a feeling that she was not even vaguely interested in him. Which she had not been, until the said List was written. The moment her eyes just slightly opened towards him, he sensed the change in the vibes and was there on the spot. At the precise perfect time, he invited her out on a date.

The rest was history. Or her story, since it was Patty who told us about it.

No one in the Single Club sat up and took any notice to Patty and her advice. No one but me, that is. While the others were still convinced that Patty and Dream Guy was nothing but sheer luck, I sharpened my pencil and wrote my list.

I wrote and I wrote.

Proudly I presented my list to Patty and the Single Club. All 37 points. Patty was mortified. “My God,” she gasped, “I have ruined you! You can never find any one who can live up to a list of 37 requirements!”

It turns out Patty had had less than 10 on her famous List.

I looked at my list. There was no way I could trim it down once I had put it all on paper. Which should I strike off? Honest? Creative? Responsible? I would die having to be with someone who was irresponsible, dishonest AND boring!

The only requirement that I had listed that was not as bold as the other 36 was the one where I put “Preferably goodlooking”. I could, if need be to get the list down a little, strike that one. As long as it only went down to “ordinary” and not “ugly”. After all, I could do “ordinary” if I got all the other 36 qualities. (I am not shallow, thank you, very much!)

Patty was still not convinced, but had no more advice to give. Merciless, I went out into the world with my 37 point list, minus maybe the one point in the spirit of not demanding too much.

Fate had it - or the Law of Attraction (?) - that a few weeks later I was sent on a conference through my job. It was held at a hotel in the middle of no where across the country. I knew no one else going there.

Already the first day I noticed some one notice me. A man. From across the room of about 100 people. I tested this throughout the day as I mingled and moved in every break. His discreet, but definite glances at me made me sure about his interest. Finally he approached me and introduced himself. The rest of the day he kept his distance, but I felt him looking and keeping tabs on me. I really enjoyed the attention.

During the dinner that evening he made sure to end up right next to me. The evening was amazing. We talked way beyond the dinner and the cleaning crew had to politely request us to leave after they had cleaned up everything else and we still sat at the dinner table talking.

We talked until the early hours of the morning and by the time the conference ended, he was telling me that he hardly slept, thinking, “She is the one that must not slip away.” I was charmed beyond my wits.

Already during those first few days I suspected this was Mr 37 (well, he looked ordinary, so my humble subtraction came through). During the weeks that passed following, everything confirmed that he indeed was Mr # 37 (minus 1).

I even made Patty and the other members of the Single Club go through the list with me and check off point by point. The verdict was clear. The List had worked once again. The doubters of the Single Club were slightly becoming believers.

So, do I end now with the Happy Ever After? Concluding my story that I joined Patty and made a club for Lists leading to Dream Guys? Well, not quite.

The problem is, and this was very clear to me already from the first minute, I had forgotten one requirement on my List. The one that turned out to be the most important one of all. My # 38: “I will be deadly attracted to him.” I had forgotten to be specific about that one and that was the only thing missing.

Mr # 37 lived across the country from me. He made it a point to call at least once a day and talk for hours. I met him several times, in the hope that maybe I was just a wee-bit damaged goods from the previous relationships gone sour and that the attraction would come given time. Good theory. Not related to reality, though.

I never went beyond holding hands with him. The few times he tried to cuttle and kiss me, my body reacted before my mind even had to mediate and force myself to give it a go. I just either backed off or pushed him away. Looking back on this, I would have thought he would have give up or written me off as some sort of nut case. That doesn’t happen, though, when you request on your list “Considerate”, “Patient”...

Apparently, he was set on not letting me slip away and was in no hurry to pressure me into anything before I was ready. This being said, he seemed to consider us in a relationship. So much so, that when I felt the need to break it to him that we never were going to be an item, it had more the undertones of breaking up.

Even this was difficult. (“Committed and will go the extra mile when the going gets rough” on the List) I had a hard time facing him and being honest about the part of not being attracted to him. How do you tell the sweetest person in the world, who adores you more than anything, that the thought of kissing him repulses you and that you probably never would stomach having sex again if you even considered having it with him? So I took the “milder” way out and lied. I told him I had been through the ups and downs of a distant relationship before and could not deal with it. I could not focus on my daily life, if I was overwhelmed by longing for the next meet. Knowing he had two teenagers who lived with him more than 50% of the time and had a great job he loved, I hoped that he would come to terms with “life being damn unfair sometimes.” (It was just as inconceivable for me to move, as far as he knew. Little did he know I would uproot and move for love at the bat of the eye, even to ends of the planet...)

Even this backfired on me. He called back the next day telling me he had discussed moving with his children and ex-wife, and had started making arrangements to relocate his job. (“Persistent”)

I had created a Monster! I had long started to hate my List of 37 points (minus 1). Not too mention, I had a slight disliking for Patty, who was following on the sideline. With no advice to give. We were both in unknown territory on this one.

In the end I had to put it to him brutally and even though I really would have loved to have him as a friend, I had to cut him totally out of my life. I missed his friendship, I really did. I even thought of him on occasion during the following years (Chapter 2 of Mr # 37 can follow if anyone is interested. “The next Chronicle of the Cursed List”). I was not sad, though, to be free from his intense hope that I was The One for him. Because he was so not The One for me.

When I years later was introduced to the Law of Attraction and saw the movie “The Secret”, I was not difficult to sell the idea to. I had first hand experience in the power of focusing on what you want and seeing it come straight at you like a bulldozer.

The lesson I learnt, though, is to be very CLEAR in getting the most important things in place. What you think should go without saying must be specifically clear. Especially if you write a list.

I have never written another list and I guess that is why I am still single. Since Mr # 37 (minus one) I have had my romantic trial and failures, but have not really put any energy into any of it. I have instead invested wholly in me. Nowadays, though, I am ready for the Real Deal and trying to prepare myself for it.

Will I write a list again? Maybe.
Will it have 37 points? Maybe.

What is not a maybe is this; the first point on my list, which will be written in bold letters: “He and I will fall deeply and magically in love, with passion and attraction, and both will joyfully and with ease commit to this rare, blessed connection.”

That might just be the only point on my list.

Dilemma of a Dating Cosmos

By Sandy Rashty

London Digital PR

16 August 2009

Whether they gather in their early-twenties or late-forties, women have sipped on countless cappuccinos as they obsess about their latest dating experience…their latest dating disaster. Aside from the lucky few who brushed past their soul-mate in the school playground, for the rest of the female population the pursuit of happiness (often assumed to be love) has dragged us into the exhausting mechanism of urban dating. Hopes of courtship and a corsage, of a love reaped from a Jane Austen novel, or an iconic Hollywood movie are quite frankly, Gone With the Wind. Instead the modern woman is presented with a Facebook profile, a myspace homepage, a blog on Twitter, or all three. For those who are extremely eager to find love, the services of match.com or mysinglefriend.com provide an extremely speedy examination of your birthplace, age, profession, and eye-colour… Nevertheless, with the hope that ‘I’m the exception’, we continue to date. The looming dilemma continues to ask whether the experience of dating really differs for those women in their early-twenties, to those in their late-forties?

Trusting the omniscience of Wikipedia, one may contend that the experience of dating is: ‘a form of romantic courtship between two individuals who may or may not expect marriage’. Herein (one initially assumes) lies the distinction between the two female generations; whereby the senior group of women expect marriage, and the younger group of women do not. Surely experience has taught the senior women to intelligently and automatically distance from the ‘bad boy’, the ‘commitment phobe’, the ‘workaholic’ (and alcoholic for that matter), who will never marry or settle down with them.

While indulging such social stereotypes, one may simultaneously assume that the younger generation of women remain at the polar end of the dating spectrum. They are eager to welcome the experience and indulge the ‘bad boy’ as he excites them more than the gentleman who holds the door open. The notion of marriage before they have engulfed their vocational potential scares them as they never want to be as devalued and undermined in the workplace and their mothers once were. Yes, the wave of feminism has swept the younger generation into a revolution of self-belief, where the traditional dependency on men and the dating desperation to ‘snap him up before someone else does’ has thankfully disappeared… Right?

Unfortunately, endless hours of drinking and dining with younger girlfriends has disproved this theory. My extremely unscientific poll of their eternal relationship tales, of their obsessive analysis of how many kisses are placed on his brief Facebook message the night before their university exams, has encouraged one to say that the younger generation of women are just as keen, if not more so, to date and settle down than their senior counterparts.

As a dear friend of mine ludicrously wailed that she’ll “never get married” the moment she turned eighteen, I began to contemplate our social obsession and haste to find Mr. Right, and settle for Mr. Right Now even if he values you as much as his football shirt, far less than his friends, and as a walking talking blow-up doll. As the same friend of mine (who we’ll call Lucy) ventured off to a central London seminar on How to Find Mr. Right, I was just as shocked as the leader of the seminar, that at her twenty-years of age the ‘dating-panic’ had become firmly entrenched in her psyche. As Lucy forwarded the notes that I have right in front of me, bought the self-help manuals, watched He’s Just Not That Into You (took notes on that too), I could no longer judge her, or any single woman, for becoming so engrossed in our social dating frenzy.

Just as we are all meticulously uniformed in Juicy Couture tracksuits and march Oxford Street in our beloved Ugg boots, so has the experience of dating become a monotonous one for every generation of women; partly because of the billion-pound market of dating literature that promises everlasting love…provided you act in a certain way. The experience of dating that should be exciting, inspiring, and tingling; is often transformed into an examination, a test of how many rules you remember, and how well you perform them. Smile all the time, Mirror his body language, Ask him questions, or, as so eloquently put by recording-artist Usher, act like “a lady in the street but a freak in the bed”. Moreover, why do we abide? Because as Liz Tuccillo so frustratingly illustrates in the narrative he’s just not that into you:

‘Most women who date, I would guess, don’t have men throwing themselves at them every night of the week…So when we see a guy that we feel might be a romantic possibility, it’s even harder for us to take a backseat. That opportunity might not come back again for a long time.’

Move aside Liz, and enter brutal romantic honesty. Discard the obsessive literature, enjoy the dates that don’t carry the baggage of pre-meditated planning, composure, and a bundle of nerves. Though the writers of he’s just not that into you define dating as: ‘gray, murky areas of vagueness, mystery, and no questions asked…a public excursion, a meal, and some hand-holding involved’ (I prefer the Wikipedian alternative), dating is exciting, colourful, and sexy without the need for obsession and analysis! Thus with such an attitude I hope to trot down the yellow-brick road of London on my way to meeting Prince Charming, Orlando Bloom, or at this rate I may even settle for Joe Bloggs…

info@londondigitalpr.com

http://www.londondigitalpr.com

Dating after divorce

By Shari Low

31 July 2009

So it's done. You're officially divorced. The CD collection has been reduced to half a dozen discs that you haven't listened to in years, you've fought over custody of the vase that great aunt Mary gave you as a wedding present and you've paid your lawyers enough money to ensure they have a brilliant summer holiday.

Now it's time to get out there and kiss a few frogs... or at least an attractive stranger that a friend of a friend thinks you'd be perfect for.

It can be hard to get started so here's a quick summary of some of the essential preparations for climbing back on that dating saddle.

1. What to wear

Get a good friend to help with your outfit. Yes, you are your own woman, and yes, you know what suits you, but having a pal who is on hand to make you laugh on hand during the run-up to the big night will get rid of some of the nervous tension that's pumping through your body.

2. Where to go

Without coming over as a raging control freak, gently suggest a venue in which you feel comfortable - not, however, one that has any romantic associations with your ex. For the purposes of this exercise, reminicing is a no-no.

3. Help on hand

If possible, arrange for your friend to spend the night at your house so that you have someone there for an after-date post mortem. There are very few things that can't be celebrated/commiserated/consoled with a mate and a few glasses of wine.

4. Preparation

Decide whether or not to rid your body of all hair and proceed accordingly. Is there any chance you may want to have sex with this person? If so, indulge in leg and bikini depilatory procedures.

Definitely, absolutely no possibility of naked activity? Then give the waxing pot a miss. If your strict morals become loosened by a couple of glasses of wine and you find yourself feeling frisky, your unattended areas should make you hold back!

5. Be realistic

Don't have any wild fantasies or expectations other than that he definitely won't look like Daniel Craig.

http://www.goodtoknow.co.uk/relationships/310431/Dating-after-divorce

Sorry ladies, there really is a science to pulling

From The Jewish Chronicle
Paul Lester
July 30, 2009

Five guys walk into a bar — an Englishman, an Irishman, an Asian, a West Indian and a Jew. No, it’s not the first line of a joke, it’s what happened the other week when I, plus several other blokes of varying races and creeds, went to a nightclub to try and meet women after learning how to score on a course run by an organisation called Love Systems.

As Samir, one of the students on the three-day “boot camp” held in London, put it: “If you feel ill, you call a doctor, so why not have someone you can go to when you’re having trouble getting a girlfriend?”

And so, for the cost of around $3,000, you can pay to have treatment for your pulling. Love Systems approach the business of seduction with almost surgical precision. And it is a business: one of the two foremost academies in the world designed to teach pick-up skills at a theoretical level (daytime seminars in hotels) and “in the field” (night-time sessions in bars and clubs). Love Systems is a company, based in Los Angeles, with “dating coaches” around the globe and also an online facility offering auxiliary instruction in everything from “routines” — killer conversation starters on dates — to “relationship management”.

If this all makes Love Systems sound like dating droids in designer shirts unbuttoned to the waist to reveal chest hair and bling, don’t worry: they’re just like you and me — normal-looking guys putting their knowledge and business acumen into practice.
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Many of them are Jewish, such as Neil Strauss, who wrote the bible of pick-up, The Game, in 2005. So, too, are the principals behind Love Systems: founder Nick Benedict, who goes by the name of Savoy, and dating guru Jesse Krieger, aka Starlight (everyone in the pick-up community uses an alias). And all of them were previously unsuccessful with women.
“At high school I didn’t feel cool and women weren’t attracted to me,” says Krieger. “I was studious and good with numbers, but not with girls. I wanted to become more socially adept.”

The turning point came when he chanced upon a copy of The Game. Two years and thousands of in-field forays later, he has transformed himself from schlemiel to lothario — he’s just visited one former conquest in Slovenia, and another in Shanghai.

“Since I discovered The Game I’ve hooked up with more than double the girls I met in my entire life before that,” says Krieger, 27. Good-looking girls, he explains, “get hit on by 10 or 15 guys a night”. His job is to teach us how to be more engaging. So can he now pull on any given night, anywhere on the planet?“I don’t believe anyone who says they can do that, but yes, many more times than not. I’d say 80 per cent of the time I’ll leave [a club] with phone numbers or make out with someone. And we can demonstrate that at boot camp.”

Indeed they can. At a hotel in the city, we sit entranced as Krieger and associates reveal the secrets of The Game. The rules of seduction are scrutinised in forensic detail. We are told the correct posture to adopt when approaching “sets” (a group of girls) and to use the “three-second rule” — any longer and your prey will perceive you as weak. We are given sure-fire “openers” (ice-breakers) such as, “Do you think kissing is cheating?” which women invariably warm to. We are taught the value of “qualification”, which works both ways — they have to justify our interest in them as much as vice versa — and how to “build comfort” via “kino” (subtle touching) so they don’t think we are lecherous creeps. Finally, we study “transitioning” — basically, how to get a girl into a corner of the club for a cosy chat, or even a snog (“kiss closing”).

And so to the appliance of all this science. On the last night of the course, we head down to On Anon, a club in Leicester Square. It’s one thing having the minutiae of courtship at your disposal; it’s another employing it over music louder than Concorde at full speed.

While the instructors head to the bar and the students tentatively mingle, I approach a tall blond girl, standing by the dancefloor, with a classic opener.

“Do women lie more than men?” I yell, ever so suavely, in her ear, but she either doesn’t hear or understand, and she turns back to her friend. Before panic sets in, I retreat outside to a cordoned-off area for nicotine fiends — thank God for smoking, and the smoking ban. And for London traffic — even though it’s 11pm, Shaftesbury Avenue is at a standstill, and there are huddles of men and women actually speaking.

Feeling relaxed, I lean against the wall and, without turning to face the pretty brunette to my left (standard pick-up artist practice, folks), I offer an “opinion opener”.

“Would you break up with someone over a text message?” She smiles — I’m in. I proceed from stage to stage – “attraction”, “qualification”, “comfort” — with the elan of a master. She even instigates the kino phase by stroking my shiny pate.

Meanwhile, I am the very picture of cool — literally. There’s a man on the other side of the road, one of those street artists you see in central London at night, painting me, although it is possible at this point that I am hallucinating with delight.

I want to leave on a high, so I issue a “false time constraint”, tell the girl that I have to be back in the club in five minutes to meet my friends, and decide to “number close”: I give her my mobile phone, and she punches in some digits.

I haven’t called her yet but I’ve got to hand it to those Love Systems guys, because if a neurotic, self-sabotaging Woody Allen/Larry David type like yours truly can sustain a conversation with a complete stranger — a female one, noch — without lapsing into stammering nebbish mode, then anyone can.

“Some guys may feel a little bit of shame that they had to learn how to succeed with women,” says Savoy. “But I don’t think it’s strange. People get professional advice on all sorts of stuff that isn’t anywhere near as important as their romantic relationships. If Iget advice on how to do my taxes or fix my car, why wouldn’t I get lessons on how to bring exciting women into my life?”
Rules of the gameSome datings do’s and don’ts

- Don’t project desperation – women can smell “needy” a mile off

- Don’t supplicate – that means no making offers of drinks or lifts home to women (think of the all the money you’ll save)

- Don’t burst into tears when she asks about your ex and take it as an opportunity to bore her about your divorce

- Do bathe before leaving the house – you can only take dishevelled chic so far

- Do act cool — declaring undying love in the first five minutes is a no-no, even if she does resemble Scarlett Johansson’s more attractive younger sister

- Do convey an “abundance mentality”, even if the only other ladies in your life are your mum and the old lady who folds your washing at the launderette

http://www.thejc.com/users/paul-lester

Helen Fisher:The brain in love

Helen Fisher, PhD Biological Anthropologist, is a Research Professor and member of the Center for Human Evolution Studies in the Department of Anthropology, Rutgers University and Chief Scientific Advisor to the Internet dating site, Chemistry.com, a division of Match.com. She has conducted extensive research and written five books on the evolution and future of human sex, love, marriage, gender differences in the brain and how your personality type shapes who you are and who you love.




http://www.helenfisher.com

On Young Love, Marriage, Purpose and Parents

By Asher Keren

12 July 2009



We all seek to make our mark in this world, to change for the better a humanity often fierce and cold. We all need to know that our lives have purpose, that our fleeting time spent on earth has meaning. In short, when young at least, we all believe in revolution!


Marriage should be our first revolution. That is, young marriage and young love. It can be a statement to the world that we affirm life, that we desire the passion it takes to move ahead and press our will onto otherwise seemingly distant and impenetrable cultures and societies. This is why religious cultures scorn pre-nuptial sex.


If natural sexual expression is obtained without the responsibility of marriage, there is in truth no real motivation to revolt, no true goal to be attained other than procreation or societal approval, the programmed maintenance of a well oiled apparatus, the opposite of revolution.


Young religious people crave intimacy just as the secular, perhaps even more. But before they obtain it, they must make a statement. "Our intimacy is our calling card into the player's arena. We are old enough, strong enough, healthy enough and stubborn enough to take our stab at love and therefore, at revolution! You cannot stop us anymore; we will have passion because revolution is passionate!


We demand life; we want freedom to explore and to know one another. If we cannot know intimately even one, we cannot help the world to change, to become a better place. If we cannot give and receive love in its most primal form, we cannot fight evil at its basest either – and we are willing to take responsibility for this sacred knowledge and trust.



Marriage, for those wise enough to abstain beforehand, can be the most powerful claiming of rights and responsibility for the betterment of our world. And so, when a young couple decides to get married, the parents should be proud, overjoyed by the fact that their children have decided to continue not only the endless chain of life but also the incessant struggle to maintain dignity in the face of an often harsh reality. Parents should be thankful their children are entering into the powerful world of intimacy, that their children are now the holders of the torch, of the flame; for without this they must realize that their own dream is a revolution lost.



Asher Keren is the author of 'A Time For Change'. Find his books at:


http://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_ss_b?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=a+time+for+change+asher+keren

Is the Person You Are With Making You Unhappy? Toxopeopleosis - The Emotionally Toxic Individual

Lessons from a long Cyber Courtship

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Are you a Neanderthal?

Gina Capri

5th July 2009

There are some key questions to ask your self when dating…..you may conclude you don’t know actually have the answers, but you have to consider them.

What the hell are you looking for?

Well, you have answered that one, considerate, intelligent, wealthy, funny, tall, good looking, generous to a fault, loves children, dogs, cats, fish and octogenarians.

Of course, this man does not actually exist. So, you must go to question 2.

What the hell are you expecting?

Life long commitment, love, respect and to be adored even when your roots need doing, your eyebrows need plucking, your underwear has turned a nasty shade of grey and you have gained at least 20 pounds. They still worship and adore you – WAKE UP he doesn’t exist!

And if I am perfectly honest, the one’s that do worship and adore you, are not the one’s worth having. Because either;

a) They put you on a pedestal within moments of meeting you, i.e. lust at first sight, and then additionally lured in by your ready wit and sparking personality. Which is all good, except the day comes when you fall off this pedestal with an enormous thump, and the shock of him changing towards you overnight is a major confidence killer. This fall from grace makes you question everything about yourself, is it my bum, my not quite pert anymore boobs, the extra lines on my face etc. A definite no no.

or

b) They are complete and utter drips with no personality of their own, so use yours as a method of bigging themselves up.

So, it feels nice at first, you ignore lots of their little annoying traits, because lets face it, who doesn’t want to feel the luurve. However, you cannot push these niggles aside forever, and what happens is, you turn into the bitch from hell – because quite frankly he gets on your tits. The more vile you are, the more hurt and pathetic he becomes, the more annoyed you get and it becomes an ever downward spiral (I’m sure you have seen women like that, and hate them on sight), well you can see how it happens. You do not want to be THAT woman.

So now 1 and 2 are a no no. So what do you want, and really, what can you hope to achieve?

Well, there is another thing to consider, where are you (and him) on the evolutionary scale of singledom. By that I mean, when you are fresh out of a long term relationship you are really at amoeba level, and as time evolves you move into monkey, ape and finally man (there are other stages, but I don’t want to bore you).

You need to be at a relatively similar stage on this scale, or it won’t work. So, not only do you need be attracted, interested and all the other good stuff, you also need to be baggage free, in terms of your (or his) ex.

And yet another consideration is children. Does he have any? How old are they? Does he spend inordinate amounts of time with them?

And the biggie, are they vile little brats?

Now you know why it is so hard to meet Mr Right or for that matter Ms Right.

I like my womb where it is, thank you very much!

Gina Capri

4th July 2009

So, down to the nitty gritty, the dates, good, bad and ooh so ugly….

The very first date kind of spoilt it for the rest, because it was organised by a well meaning individual. So, I was picked up in a Mercedes sports by a very handsome man, taken to Covent Garden to a very trendy and expensive restaurant, (not that I knew it until I got the OMG he took you there? AMAZING). He held my eyes across the table, ordered for me, showered me in compliments then whisked me home, asking to see me again. Perfect. Of course, I later found out he was a ‘player’ was seeing numerous women, but at the time I was not very streetwise, and began to imagine a life of luxury with a handsome man – what luck.

Anyway it ended, I wont go into the details, but I wasn’t phased, and just thought well, bring on the next wealthy, handsome and charming man.

Except, it was a one off!

A string of dates ensued, a journalist, a camera man, a chauffeur, an IT specialist, a kosher shop owner etc etc.

These were some of the most memorable……

One left a message on my answer phone, I had decided I wasn’t interested, because I didn’t like the north London twang, it put me off (still in choosy phase at this point).
However, at the time my sister was there and she listened and said, ‘go on, give him a chance, call him back, he sounds nice’ (she is married, so a little clueless, and I will never listen to her again) – anyway chatted etc, arranged to meet.

We met in a very expensive bar, and he was sitting outside, didn’t get up when I arrived, to cut a long and not very interesting story short, he asked me if I wanted dinner, I agreed, and when it was time to move to the restaurant – I thought his ass was going to carry the chair alone, it was by far the biggest one I have ever seen on a man. It seemed to have a life of its own, and as I trotted behind him (a good foot, cause couldn’t get any nearer), I scanned the restaurant to ensure that I didn’t know anyone. In fairness he was good company and nice, but I absolutely could never, ever ever.

A weirder experience was the date with the life coach. He wanted to take me to the cinema as a first date, which I found odd, but he convinced me by saying we could have a drink first, then discuss the film after.

So he arrived and drove to one of the worst areas imaginable, luckily he had pre booked the film, so off we went for a drink to a local ‘wine bar’. This was full of wino’s but that was the nearest it got to wine bar status, most of the residents had no teeth and looked at us as if we had landed from another planet – I wasn’t impressed. I was less impressed when we got into the film and discovered it was a children’s film, the cinema was full of kids or people who were on day release from the local mental institution.

Two dates had men who were totally inappropriate, one grabbed my hand and put it on his mushroom, saying ‘look how excited you have made me’ – now I wanted to remark on the fact that he didn’t seem all that excited to me, but as I have said it doesn’t do to insult a man’s button, so I just left instead.

The second one I found my self driving, and we returned home from our date, which had been quite pleasant, his hand (now I would say slipped up my skirt), but rammed was more appropriate, I actually thought he was trying to give me a hysterectomy! He only stopped after I threatened to sling him out of the car, he then had the temerity to ask me on a second date! As I valued my womb, I declined.

Shattered Dreams and the Next Big Date!

Gina Capri

3 July 2009

So, when we finally split from our beloveds, dreams shattered, but a quiet little hope that the next one is going to be ‘the one’. The man who ‘gets you’, knows when you are feeling sad and hugs you, knows when you need to put your feet up and whisks you off to a health farm, knows when you are pre-menstrual and just backs off and leaves you to steam.

We hope that this man will be intelligent, witty, all our friends will adore him, as well as our mother and children. He will be generous and loving …..right, you get the picture I wont go on.

You also know that this time there will be NO compromise, this time you will wait for Mr.Right.


Of course you join a dating site, and of course you get masses of attention, because you are unfortunately ‘fresh meat’.

So the emails, winks, hotlists, favourites blah blah keep coming, and you realise that you are probably one of the most stunning creatures on earth, and really, what a fool your ex-husband was to just let you slip through his fingers. Not only do you get inundated, you get messages say how beautiful you are, how come you are still single, you cant be that age, what an amazing face you have and what a wonderful person you must be! WOW!

So thus begins the sifting process, and as you are clearly such a fabulous creature you are in pick and choose mode. Too fat, too thin, too short, too ugly, horrible shirt, no picture, cocky, smarmy, toady, bad haircut, rubbish job, too far away, too close. Finally you have narrowed it down to about 5 - a good number.

You reply to the 5 saying ‘hello’ thanks etc. You wait.


You get 3 replies, slightly disappointing, but three is still a good number.
You speak to one on the phone, he has a speech impediment, you don’t do speech impediments, so you politely make your excuses.

The second one is texting you making you smile, very amusing, and although you haven’t spoken to him, you like his picture, his sense of humour and have a good feeling about him, so agree to meet for a drink.


You spend ages getting ready, not too tarty, not trying too hard (its only a pub), not frumpy, you colour in your bags, get the grey hair covered, hoist the boobs into a good bra, high heels, suck you in knickers and after many hours of preparation you are just about hot to trot. Nearly anyway check the lippy about a zillion times, ask the kids if you look alright, phone your friends to tell them what you are wearing, drive round to a friend to see if you look alright, stand in front of the goldfish and ask their opinion (silence is assent) and finally the dog who has the last say, she licks your hand – a good omen indeed, she approves.

So off you go, heart in your mouth, arrive a little early and buy a drink for dutch courage and scan the bar……a man walks in vaguely resembling the picture, except, he is about 10 stone heavier, 10 years older, has clearly lied about his height and is about 2 foot shorter and what had been a full head of hair would now make friar tuck look like an advert for l’oreal.
You look around madly for an exit, you cannot sit with this man, you cannot be seen with him your heart is pounding, it’s the flight or fight instinct kicking in.

He spots you, comes over you smile politely he offers you a drink, you agree because you need him to move away, so you can compose your face from a grimace to a normal smile.
You make small talk and wait for the end of the evening so you can make your escape. Of course he is bowled over by you, wants to see you again, thinks you are charming and far better than your picture. Words escape you, there is nothing to say. The grimace reappears, you agree to chat another time and then sprint as fast as your heels will take you.

You never ever answer his calls or texts again.

So only one left, he doesn’t call ever.

Back to the website, now you are a little less discerning, you must be more pragmatic, positive, less judgemental, they may be a little over weight, but they are in their 50’s for goodness sake – and you know that you have a mummy tummy and are less than perfect yourself under the incredible sucking in knickers.

So you decide to try again, and reply to some of the others, after all, its just a date and a chat, not marriage. Needless to say, similar scenarios ensue, and you end up again with no-one.
This is when a small trickle of desperation begins to kick in, a mild panic that perhaps, you are a little old, not quite as fabulous as you first thought and maybe just meeting a nice man is all you want. That’s it, someone nice and kind. Perfect.

You enter phase 3 of your search.