Dating Tips - Be real and be realistic....

By Jo Barnett, Dating Coach and Connect Dating Co-ordinator

I have noticed that people are still FAR too hung up on appearances when they are looking for their soul mate.  Please do me one favor, step away from the computer, move over to the nearest mirror and just check in with yourself.  Yes, you are gorgeous, I'll take your word for it, but notice the difference between say, you and Angelina Jolie, or you and Brad Pitt.

By all means, love yourself and the way you look, it's important, but be realistic about your 'gorgeousness' when you are gazing into the eyes of the next guy or girl you meet.  Notice how most people have something attractive about them, and its not always the image we had in our head.  Try to look a bit further than their face and their figure.  Yes, it is important I know, but so is depth, personality and values.

Since I have had the opportunity of working for a real live dating agency, I seem to be constantly saying the words, 'don't worry, we will start looking for your new match for you ...'  Only there is no guarantee just how long it will take us to find her or him.  Wonderful,  fantastic, gorgeous people are being rejected because they do not fit the 'image' that someone has created inside their head, of what their ideal soul mate will look like.

What I want to share with you is this, take that physical image of  your ideal soul mate and set it free, screw it up into a ball and start with a clean canvass.  Great, now you are open to the world and meeting new, interesting people, one of which just might be your soul mate.

Now for the 'real' part, if you could live your life really being you in all your glory, how would you behave? What would I notice about you as you are walking to the train station in the morning, and as you sweep the trolly around Sainsburys (or M&S).  Whats 'real' about you, is what is most appealing about you, AND what draws you to the opposite sex.

Are you afraid to really BE yourself? How much of your thoughts and opinions do you share with the world.  Now that you are being realistic about how your soul mate will look, combine this with an injection of your very own personality, and hay presto, we get someone who is ready to go out and date!

What I ask of you is this,  that you take these two wonderful gifts, of being realistic and being real, and go and speak to as many people as possible this month, enjoy the feeling of being 'real' and of getting to know someone you would not normally give the time of day.

Have fun keeping it real...

Jo Barnett

www.datingcoach.me.uk

jo@datingcoach.me.uk

Dating Tips - Be real and be realistic....

By Jo Barnett, Dating Coach and Connect Dating Co-ordinator

I have noticed that people are still FAR too hung up on appearances when they are looking for their soul mate.  Please do me one favor, step away from the computer, move over to the nearest mirror and just check in with yourself.  Yes, you are gorgeous, I'll take your word for it, but notice the difference between say, you and Angelina Jolie, or you and Brad Pitt.

By all means, love yourself and the way you look, it's important, but be realistic about your 'gorgeousness' when you are gazing into the eyes of the next guy or girl you meet.  Notice how most people have something attractive about them, and its not always the image we had in our head.  Try to look a bit further than their face and their figure.  Yes, it is important I know, but so is depth, personality and values.

Since I have had the opportunity of working for a real live dating agency, I seem to be constantly saying the words, 'don't worry, we will start looking for your new match for you ...'  Only there is no guarantee just how long it will take us to find her or him.  Wonderful,  fantastic, gorgeous people are being rejected because they do not fit the 'image' that someone has created inside their head, of what their ideal soul mate will look like.

What I want to share with you is this, take that physical image of  your ideal soul mate and set it free, screw it up into a ball and start with a clean canvass.  Great, now you are open to the world and meeting new, interesting people, one of which just might be your soul mate.

Now for the 'real' part, if you could live your life really being you in all your glory, how would you behave? What would I notice about you as you are walking to the train station in the morning, and as you sweep the trolly around Sainsburys (or M&S).  Whats 'real' about you, is what is most appealing about you, AND what draws you to the opposite sex.

Are you afraid to really BE yourself? How much of your thoughts and opinions do you share with the world.  Now that you are being realistic about how your soul mate will look, combine this with an injection of your very own personality, and hay presto, we get someone who is ready to go out and date!

What I ask of you is this,  that you take these two wonderful gifts, of being realistic and being real, and go and speak to as many people as possible this month, enjoy the feeling of being 'real' and of getting to know someone you would not normally give the time of day.

Have fun keeping it real...

Jo Barnett

www.datingcoach.me.uk

jo@datingcoach.me.uk

Being happy with you and Dating – they go hand in hand!

Once you are living a full and balanced life you do not need to rely on someone else to make you happy. Once you are comfortable in your own skin, okay at spending some time on your own, you have some hobbies of your own, then you have something to give to the other person and it makes you less needy and more attractive. Know what you have to bring to the table.

Feeling secure in yourself and your relationships, being a good communicator, having other positive relationships in your life, all help make dating run smoothly.

Being aware that men and women behave very differently: not getting disappointed if you don’t get that phone call right away.

Maintaining your identity and not giving your power away – what do you have to do to stay you. What’s important in your life that you need to keep doing in order to be you?

On the date
Putting forward your most positive self

This is something I am very passionate about. There is nothing worse than being on a date with someone that is moaning or depressed about his or her work, or fed up with his or her life. Maybe your life is not all a bed of roses but try and shelve that for at least the first four dates. Talk about the positives, something you enjoyed doing recently, a run, a movie, and a meal, anything positive.

Get to know someone in stages, the first stage is about sharing and generating some interest, this is where you can hold back some of the nooks and crannies and focus on positive things in your life right now.

Its good to get the other person talking to so try to ask questions that will take them to the stuff they enjoy too. If you feel like you are going into a bit of a black hole and past relationships are the topic then say something like, ‘why don’t we not talk about that now, lets find something more fun to chat about! I am sure the other person will appreciate it.

Jo Barnett Dating Coach
http://www.datingcoach.me.uk/

Universities force library dating site FitFinder to be taken down

A student dating website that received four million hits in its first month has been taken down after pressure from universities.


The FitFinder combines Twitter and a classified ads column, allowing students to swap messages of admiration in libraries and social spaces. But there has been concern from university authorities that it is proving a distraction for students during revision term and women’s groups have expressed disquiet after several posts on the site were deemed offensive.



More than 1,000 students signed an online petition to save the site in less than two hours yesterday.



Rich Martell, 21, the UCL student who founded The FitFinder less than a month ago, has been in talks with entrepreneurs to extend the site beyond universities. He hopes to follow the model of Facebook, which extended beyond campuses and now has 400 million users worldwide. He said yesterday that he hoped to get the site back online but pressures from university authorities had forced him to comply.

“I’m wanting to take it forward but I want to clear things up and comply with the unis,” he said. “People want it. It’s only a social networking site.”



The site had previously been removed from some university servers but was reinstated hours later after students complained that the ban violated their freedom of speech. Nonetheless, UCL has disciplined Mr Martell and given him the maximum fine. The university said last week that it had previously asked him to take the site down but he had refused.



Last week the London School of Economics told The Times: “We’re against the site and we’ve asked people not to use it. First of all we had some complaints from students who found it insulting and secondly if you’re in the library you’re there to study.”





http://technology.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/tech_and_web/the_web/article7139417.ece

Dating should be fun, so why is my hair turning white and my enthusiasm fading fast!?

Dating Tips by the Dating Coach - Jo Barnett

When you first set eyes on your date one of two things can happen, relief or revulsion. He or she may not look like your dream partner but then you and then you do one of the following, pretend you are present while mentally preparing for tomorrows meeting, or give them a chance (innocent until proven guilty).

Remind yourself why you are here, to find out more about someone, believe me its as hard for them as it is for you so if you feel nervous try and laugh about it. So what if you cant instantly see yourself walking down the isle with this person, settle for an orange juice instead.

If you have decided to give the lucky contestant a chance, the compliment will be returned and they will now be giving you at least half of their attention. This is not to be sneezed at and I encourage you to take this moment and expand on it. Now's the time to use your body language, smile and unfold your arms, get some positive energy flowing.

Ask some questions and try to share something positive about yourself. By letting someone in a bit they will feel more relaxed and at ease. You may even begin to LIKE your date, then one or two things will happen, the conversation will hopefully flow, and this is a great time so start being a bit flirty! Remind yourself that you are all about having a fun night out and getting to know someone, treat him or her as if they were a new best friend.

When your date is speaking it makes sense to really listen, then at least you know what you are getting into, you can not hide behind a pretense that you did not realize he was already married, or that she has just come out from a lovely stay at the clinic?

Tell a story about yourself like the time you went on holiday with a friend and something funny happened. This is not the LIFE story, just a simple little piece of your past. When you share with someone one of two things can happen, the other person gets to see a different side of you, they may also feel closer and more attracted to you (its a win win).

Toward the end of the evening one or two things will start to happen for both of you, either you decide that you want to see your date again or you are planning a polite let down. If you want to see this person again tell them, its really flattering and people respond well to honest. Don't take a rejection to heart, as lovely and charming as you are, not everyone is for everyone.

I know its hard to imagine, but your date has a busy life too so he or she may not get in touch straight away, be patient. If you really want to know whats going on for the other person, take a deep breath and ask! Text, email, msm, its all available to us but nothing works like the other person at the end of the phone.

I hope you enjoy your next date and I am on call for follow up sessions!

Jo Barnett
Dating Coach
http://www.datingcoach.me.uk/

The Dating Coach - Welcome

We are pleased to announce the additon to our team of the dating coach, Jo Barnett, http://www.datingcoach.me.uk/ and we are looking forward to her input!

Thanks Jo!

Has Cyber Dating Killed Courtship?

20 April 2010


By Miriam Lee


Most of us these days have dabbled with Internet dating. Unless of course you are happily tied up with the hubby or wife! But if not, then chances are that you have made the foray onto the Web to chat to members of the opposite (or indeed the same) sex and see what life brings.


And many of us are using social media portals such as Twitter and Facebook for both business and pleasure. I have to admit that my dating experiences have been mainly due to these sites and I have steered clear of the obvious dating sites for now. Who needs to pay for the privilege?


I suppose I am trying to recreate the good old fashioned days where a date was with a guy you met in a bar or a club, chatted to a bit, and then did coffee/dinner/movie (delete as appropriate) and see how it goes. So being flirted with online on social media sites is par for the course for many of us and can be very good fun.


Personally I have steered clear of MySpace. I mean what IS this place? I can see it is great for musicians but all manner of pervs seem to get off their kits behind their wives backs (sorry guys but really, you are the more persistent offenders!) and become the sort of exhibitionist or crazy raver they would like to be but in real life can’t. Sad really but they would never behave like that at the local pub. Why oh why does it seem that online means anything goes?


And I suppose it is a sign of our times that as well as the truly mad cyber crazies, there are many guys and girls out there who feel boldness and courage behind a computer screen which they would just not feel anywhere else.


This in turn leads to the following quandaries. If you are lucky, the person you are speaking to looks OK and really is a decent person and just enjoying some online social interaction. Especially with long distance, you can hope after a long time of chats that the person you might end up meeting does not have some fetish that they didn’t reveal or a penchant for practices that are way above your head. If you are lucky they are honest but one’s bullsh*t filter needs to be on high alert. After all anyone can appear as anything they like in the world of cyberspace.


Sometimes, online really can build relationships in a way that real time dating and the ensuing lack of need for effort doesn’t. After all with no chance at proper hanky panky, you either have to get to know each other and have a conversation or it gets somewhat boring. Cyber hanky panky just does not make up for touch and real time hugs! And then you have to hope that when you meet, you both like the close up view, and there are no hidden secrets like false teeth or terrible breath!


Personally I have met many a great friend from online chat. Guys and girls and a worldwide bunch of decent folk. Great people. But I would say for every few hundred people who you interact with in a social media setting, be it business or pleasure, you can expect to find a few that it is better you don’t tell your life story too. One has to be careful. Don’t be trusting until you trust. What if their wife or husband is upstairs and you have no idea? It’s incredible what can be omitted when you chat online. But then again I know a lot of very happy couples who met online.


But here is my biggest gripe. Guys, we know you are often visually stimulated. But many girls are too. And we know you would prefer to cut to the chase. But don’t you think it is common courtesy to have a couple of meaningful conversations with us and not get straight to whether we will bare our boobs for you? I mean thirty seconds after first seeing your face I would like to decide if I want to even converse with you let alone get naked. Go to a porn site if you want a peep show!


Those of you who are married....Social media is not one of those sites where they offer extra marital fun. Not my thing I’m afraid. Does your marriage become invalid because you can cyber date? If you are revealing all to someone other than your spouse is this not cyber cheating? Or did chivalry and fidelity die with the Webcam?


Just a little rant from someone who remembers the days where a date meant a little bit of romance!


Nothing beats it, in my humble offline opinion.

5 Tips for the Net Dating Novice

by Vicky Denvise


3 January 2010

1. Find the site(s) that are best for you.

If you are interested in trying your luck at net dating, you are in for a roller coaster of a ride. There are simply so many options to choose between. So your first choice is actually to find out which site is the one that fits for you.

Some sites target specific “types”, meaning people with similar backgrounds, others are more general. Some offer compatibility tests. More and more require a fee if you really want to use them properly.

Try googling “dating sites” and the options you get are endless. You might want to have a look at the sites that give you an overview and rate some of the sites out there, before actually trying the net dating game. Here are a few of these:

http://www.datingsites.org//
http://www.100bestdatingsites.com//

2. Consider paying for services.

It is tempting to not have to fork out to pay for the dating services. However, it can be worth buying a month or a few months worth of time to properly access the services. This will usually let you contact other members more freely, you get to see more about your potential dates and other benefits only paying members have.

On some of the sites the non-paying members can access a certain amount of information, but may not be able to contact other members.

By paying, you have two advantages:

1) You get to use all the services that the site has to offer, making the time you use there more targeted. After all, why waste your time?

2) More importantly - you will spot those who are most serious about finding a partner. And you will find out the first, very important detail about potential dates. If you see someone you like the sound/look of, but they are not paying and want a free ride on you paying, what does that say about them? If it is free for them to “poke” you or flirt with you (showing some sort of interest, which is a free service), but they cannot be bothered - or be too broke to - pay for the service to contact you, it tells you two things you might want to take into consideration. The one is that they are too broke (and do you want someone with that little financial freedom, even if money means little to you?) or they are simply cheap. These could be two good reasons NOT to consider meeting someone...

3. Think safety I. Initial information.

Most profiles are based on nicks, which keep your safety. But if you give away far too many details in your description, a savvy net person will very often be able to piece together information you give away and by the help of search engines, be able to find your true contact information. You would be amazed at how little information a person needs to figure out a lot about you.

If you are looking for a soulmate or want to find someone who is honest towards you, you would start off on the wrong foot by lying yourself. So don’t become paranoid in your attempt at keeping your safety. All the same, consider what you place on your profile. Keep the focus on your personality, your values and issues like this. Stair away from specific details. If you have children, say so. You don’t have to tell how many or their ages. If you have a specific hobby or interest, keep it as general as possible.

4. Think safety II. First steps at getting to know each other.

You might want to chat or even talk. In order to keep your safety, you should create a e-mail account just for the dating purposes. Then you can create chatting accounts based on these. You can even take advantage of programs that allow you to see each other and talk.

If you want to speak on the phone, get a sim card dedicated for this purpose and make sure that the information of the number is secret or unlisted.

5. Think safety III. The first meetings.

You can almost fall in love through social media, chat and phone calls. The advantages are clear: you can get under each others’ skins and look beyond what would meet you at face value.

The sad part is that not matter how close you might feel at this level, there is no guarantee that there is any sort of chemistry once you meet.

If you feel a connection with someone, the best thing you can do is to meet in person as soon as possible. Do not waste your time. If it is meant to be, why not take it to the next level? If it is NOT meant to be, all the more reason to find this out.

Arrange to meet in a public place with a lot of people. It is also a very good idea to have friends who “blend in”, who stay at a distance the entire date. Don’t be afraid to let friends tag along for a date or two, until you are sure who the person is. This is especially important for women. Your date need never know they are there.

If you are sure that the date is a mistake and you want to round it off gently, simply show the pre-arranged signal with your friends, that they come over and “save” you from the date going wrong. This is a good back-up solution for both men and women.