by Vicky Denvise
3 January 2010
1. Find the site(s) that are best for you.
If you are interested in trying your luck at net dating, you are in for a roller coaster of a ride. There are simply so many options to choose between. So your first choice is actually to find out which site is the one that fits for you.
Some sites target specific “types”, meaning people with similar backgrounds, others are more general. Some offer compatibility tests. More and more require a fee if you really want to use them properly.
Try googling “dating sites” and the options you get are endless. You might want to have a look at the sites that give you an overview and rate some of the sites out there, before actually trying the net dating game. Here are a few of these:
http://www.datingsites.org//
http://www.100bestdatingsites.com//
2. Consider paying for services.
It is tempting to not have to fork out to pay for the dating services. However, it can be worth buying a month or a few months worth of time to properly access the services. This will usually let you contact other members more freely, you get to see more about your potential dates and other benefits only paying members have.
On some of the sites the non-paying members can access a certain amount of information, but may not be able to contact other members.
By paying, you have two advantages:
1) You get to use all the services that the site has to offer, making the time you use there more targeted. After all, why waste your time?
2) More importantly - you will spot those who are most serious about finding a partner. And you will find out the first, very important detail about potential dates. If you see someone you like the sound/look of, but they are not paying and want a free ride on you paying, what does that say about them? If it is free for them to “poke” you or flirt with you (showing some sort of interest, which is a free service), but they cannot be bothered - or be too broke to - pay for the service to contact you, it tells you two things you might want to take into consideration. The one is that they are too broke (and do you want someone with that little financial freedom, even if money means little to you?) or they are simply cheap. These could be two good reasons NOT to consider meeting someone...
3. Think safety I. Initial information.
Most profiles are based on nicks, which keep your safety. But if you give away far too many details in your description, a savvy net person will very often be able to piece together information you give away and by the help of search engines, be able to find your true contact information. You would be amazed at how little information a person needs to figure out a lot about you.
If you are looking for a soulmate or want to find someone who is honest towards you, you would start off on the wrong foot by lying yourself. So don’t become paranoid in your attempt at keeping your safety. All the same, consider what you place on your profile. Keep the focus on your personality, your values and issues like this. Stair away from specific details. If you have children, say so. You don’t have to tell how many or their ages. If you have a specific hobby or interest, keep it as general as possible.
4. Think safety II. First steps at getting to know each other.
You might want to chat or even talk. In order to keep your safety, you should create a e-mail account just for the dating purposes. Then you can create chatting accounts based on these. You can even take advantage of programs that allow you to see each other and talk.
If you want to speak on the phone, get a sim card dedicated for this purpose and make sure that the information of the number is secret or unlisted.
5. Think safety III. The first meetings.
You can almost fall in love through social media, chat and phone calls. The advantages are clear: you can get under each others’ skins and look beyond what would meet you at face value.
The sad part is that not matter how close you might feel at this level, there is no guarantee that there is any sort of chemistry once you meet.
If you feel a connection with someone, the best thing you can do is to meet in person as soon as possible. Do not waste your time. If it is meant to be, why not take it to the next level? If it is NOT meant to be, all the more reason to find this out.
Arrange to meet in a public place with a lot of people. It is also a very good idea to have friends who “blend in”, who stay at a distance the entire date. Don’t be afraid to let friends tag along for a date or two, until you are sure who the person is. This is especially important for women. Your date need never know they are there.
If you are sure that the date is a mistake and you want to round it off gently, simply show the pre-arranged signal with your friends, that they come over and “save” you from the date going wrong. This is a good back-up solution for both men and women.
