Has Cyber Dating Killed Courtship?

20 April 2010


By Miriam Lee


Most of us these days have dabbled with Internet dating. Unless of course you are happily tied up with the hubby or wife! But if not, then chances are that you have made the foray onto the Web to chat to members of the opposite (or indeed the same) sex and see what life brings.


And many of us are using social media portals such as Twitter and Facebook for both business and pleasure. I have to admit that my dating experiences have been mainly due to these sites and I have steered clear of the obvious dating sites for now. Who needs to pay for the privilege?


I suppose I am trying to recreate the good old fashioned days where a date was with a guy you met in a bar or a club, chatted to a bit, and then did coffee/dinner/movie (delete as appropriate) and see how it goes. So being flirted with online on social media sites is par for the course for many of us and can be very good fun.


Personally I have steered clear of MySpace. I mean what IS this place? I can see it is great for musicians but all manner of pervs seem to get off their kits behind their wives backs (sorry guys but really, you are the more persistent offenders!) and become the sort of exhibitionist or crazy raver they would like to be but in real life can’t. Sad really but they would never behave like that at the local pub. Why oh why does it seem that online means anything goes?


And I suppose it is a sign of our times that as well as the truly mad cyber crazies, there are many guys and girls out there who feel boldness and courage behind a computer screen which they would just not feel anywhere else.


This in turn leads to the following quandaries. If you are lucky, the person you are speaking to looks OK and really is a decent person and just enjoying some online social interaction. Especially with long distance, you can hope after a long time of chats that the person you might end up meeting does not have some fetish that they didn’t reveal or a penchant for practices that are way above your head. If you are lucky they are honest but one’s bullsh*t filter needs to be on high alert. After all anyone can appear as anything they like in the world of cyberspace.


Sometimes, online really can build relationships in a way that real time dating and the ensuing lack of need for effort doesn’t. After all with no chance at proper hanky panky, you either have to get to know each other and have a conversation or it gets somewhat boring. Cyber hanky panky just does not make up for touch and real time hugs! And then you have to hope that when you meet, you both like the close up view, and there are no hidden secrets like false teeth or terrible breath!


Personally I have met many a great friend from online chat. Guys and girls and a worldwide bunch of decent folk. Great people. But I would say for every few hundred people who you interact with in a social media setting, be it business or pleasure, you can expect to find a few that it is better you don’t tell your life story too. One has to be careful. Don’t be trusting until you trust. What if their wife or husband is upstairs and you have no idea? It’s incredible what can be omitted when you chat online. But then again I know a lot of very happy couples who met online.


But here is my biggest gripe. Guys, we know you are often visually stimulated. But many girls are too. And we know you would prefer to cut to the chase. But don’t you think it is common courtesy to have a couple of meaningful conversations with us and not get straight to whether we will bare our boobs for you? I mean thirty seconds after first seeing your face I would like to decide if I want to even converse with you let alone get naked. Go to a porn site if you want a peep show!


Those of you who are married....Social media is not one of those sites where they offer extra marital fun. Not my thing I’m afraid. Does your marriage become invalid because you can cyber date? If you are revealing all to someone other than your spouse is this not cyber cheating? Or did chivalry and fidelity die with the Webcam?


Just a little rant from someone who remembers the days where a date meant a little bit of romance!


Nothing beats it, in my humble offline opinion.